look no pants
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
