You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
