"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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