No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
