You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize