He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize