I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
