I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
