I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Damn victory sex feels great
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
