i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize