And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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