Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
