Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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