So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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