I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
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