omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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