His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
