all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
