my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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