fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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