I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
