My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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