Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
