i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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