I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
