I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
