I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize