I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
