dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
