You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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