Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
