Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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