i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
