Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I would fuck him just for his dog
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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