just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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