How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize