Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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