he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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