I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
