I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
that is very illegal...i love you.
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