Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
