It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
