a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
