I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
