his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
