I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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