One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
