Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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