id be glad to
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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