Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize