so that wasnt chicken after all
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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