# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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