Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
