who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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