bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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