You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
