my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
