FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
