no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
