6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
