im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
