can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
