does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Terrible idea I love it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
