somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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