i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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