I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
