Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
