Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize