So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
