I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
