During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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