I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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