just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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