I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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