On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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