first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
