goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
